IntroductionWhen people want to change who you are by telling you that you need to socialize more - a lesson.
I'm a quite person, I always have been. Things happen to me, life happens to me - I just happen to be there to experience it and to work with what I get to the best of my abilities. In some ways where I lack in pro-activeness, I make up by valuing what comes my way at the very moment it looks at me, then realising it and working super diligently to make the best of it. Its how I've lived my whole life, and I feel that it works for me and I enjoy how I function because it makes me comfortable as I'm used to feeling a certain way about dealing with things. My philosophy in life surely is related to how I deal with life. Its my way.
My way is subtle, I try not to offend anyone and I prefer the route of least resistance. I'm not fussed about some things, things that fuss other people - sometimes they don't even cross my mind. Aldo, I've never been a great talker, I'm happier to listen. My life has changed many times and in many ways and in each instance, I learn about myself and I find things that are difficult to deal with, things that upset me and things that make me question who I am and what I'm doing. These are the things I'd like to talk about. Besides these difficulties, changes in my life have been instrumental to me figuring out what I like in life, what I want from life and ultimately enjoying life - for each time changes occur, I welcome them with open arms because they tell me about myself based on how I deal with them. It sounds funny, but sometimes I'm not that conscious of how I do things, what I look like, what people think when I do things and the more opportunity I have to see and understand these things the more excited i get about who i am and why. The point I'm trying to make is that I enjoy change and that modern life has enabled me to deal with it, and I use it to enjoy who I am.
Hobbies and spare time
I enjoy learning about technology and seeing it have an impact on things, I've always got something to explore, I'm also a programmer so I'm used to spending a lot of time researching and experimenting and to be quite frank, i never have the time to finish anything but I do have miniature milestones that make themselves apparent while I'm playing around with something and this milestone for me is my finishing line until another one makes itself apparent further down the line. The thing about this is that its an easy way to feel accomplishment in such a vast almost infinitive scope that i call my hobby. One can easy become overwhelmed with information and just loose interest because they cannot see progression. I see progression - because I have virtual milestones to reach in everything i do. For me, growing up - I've never had a boring day, because I invest in a infinitive hobbies - technology, learning, the internet and programming which is my most creative persue and with creativity, its very definition is that its always something new. But I find that a lot of people do not have the luxury of the types of hobbies that immerses oneself in ones spare time. In my experience, while I enjoy what i do tremendously and prefer it to most things because its my passion, others tend to do a mixed variety of smalls things that change often. It almost seems like most people have quite a short attention span. This is my definition of a person who is not me. Also, another thing I've found is they they depend on people more than I do. Some depend on others to make them happy, others depend on people to be safer - that sort of thing. Socialising is one of peoples best hobbies and the title of this article.
I'm bored so why shouldn't you be? Lets do what I want to do!
It drives me absolutely crazy when people tell me that i should spend more time doing the smalls things that they do often. Firstly, I don't prefer what other people do, if I did, I'd probably do it. it must be said, that If I viewed this objectively, then If i valued being bored so that i can spend time with people that aren't into the things I'm into - I should be bored once in a while. However, being bored in my view is a waste of onces life.
No one should tell me how i should spend my time .
People expect that they know what I like doing the most and they also expect me to say yes by default. This infuriates me when they get disappointed when I tell them that they are wrong, they don't know what I like the most and they don't know whats best for me. Also, I feel if they want to spend time with me - then they should also get bored and invest in the things that I like - which I cannot expect them to do and they probably will not, so I justify my feelings on this matter.
Social behaviour, life skills and hating who you are.
Now I know, I'm a programmer, I should be boring anti-social. I value my life, the content of it and because of this I value embellishing it - one way is to laugh and have fun with people that you know - socialising. Now recently someone told me that because i like my life so much(technology,programming etc) I do myself a disservice by not being bored - i.e doing things that other people do. And people say that doing these things make you more social.(Because honestly, I feel the only hobbies some people have is socialising.) Probably does but I believe it makes you social to the degree that I don't want to be. They are pro's at being social, they do it so much they've learnt all the tricks in the book about being social and integrating. I don't feel I need that. I need to level of socialising that makes me a nice person, someone you can talk to someone about something and generally communicate effectively and share a joke and not be 'odd' - i.e have a severe lack of the socialising skill. I don't have a severe lack of the socialising skill, I have quiet enough and i do fine with what I have. People think I could do so much more with my life if i opened myself to more opportunities while socialising - fact of the matter, the opportunities presented while socialising are not the types that have an effect on what i like, they may touch on them but never to the degree that fascinates me. Therefore, I use only the socialising skills that I need to work and live effectively and healthily. Now about socializing - I don't hate who I am, therefor think everyone will think I'm useless and thus not socialise - I'm never trying to catch up with the person I think I should be, sometimes I think people think less of themselves because they are less until they catchup/socialise towards becoming the person they want to be. Anyway...
And the more I experience people and their fascinations the more I realise how fundamentally different I am. I don't want what other people want. Also the more I realise that they are so blind that they think that their 'hobbies' are more superior to mine and they I'm missing out if I don't like their hobbies - its almost like religion I think to myself jokingly, converting people etc..There are so many people out there that do the same kinds of things, I cant blame them for thinking its normal. it is normal for them, and i can't blame them for thinking that I'm probably like them. Sometimes I think people are intolerant towards my way and I draw parallels to racism in the intolerance embedded in its definition.
Why am I guilty
Why should it make me feel guilty? Well it does, living with people that want you to do things that you don't want to do leads to disappointment and some people I genuinely value, primarily because of their character - something that cannot be changed based on how you spend your time. I makes me sad to know that they could be angry and disappointed with me for not being like them or feeling like them or doing what they do most. I'm guilty because I worry about how they feel more than I worry about how I feel about it and if they feel bad - so do I.
Objectively, I shouldn't feel a thing really. People should not govern how I feel, I should govern how I feel and if people try to govern how I feel intentionally - that makes me angry and I will not tolerate it. however I mostly do tolerate it because i value people. But i know, that its not on.
People and me
Everyone other than me, I've described in this article as 'people' or 'them' however it really is just for those that are they way i described above. Some people are more likend me. As stated previously, people sometimes just dont understand me and my way and if people dont understand its because they dont want to understand: people want things that are like themselves, as it makes it less obvious that their are differences - people don't like being different.
At the end of the day, my personality is subtle, and reactive and because of this people do think that I'm defenceless. A lot of the time i believe that people don't trust me to know whats good for me or they don't trust me to know what i like or what I want to. Ultimately i think its down to lack of respect on their behalf. When people don't respect you, your way, your thoughts, then your feelings are of no consequence to them and they feel that they can manipulate you.
At the end of the day, like audioslave say, be yourself. Dont be what others want you to be. They can do more harm than good if you take them on seriously and dont listen to yourself. Evaluate advice. To hell with other peoples feelings if its your feelings that get hurt because of it! Some people are genuine and they are trying to help, but are are blind themselves and think they know you and some are arrogant and some are gentle but essentially no one is me or you. You are the one of the most important things to yourself.
I always know who respects me a who doesn't - they are are people that make me feel the way that i do now - I know every single one of them.
Life is in progress I guess.
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